On Saturday, it will be your 76th birthday and with that means it will soon be 27 years since you passed away. I know you are still with me, as your voice has saved me more than once telling me to wake up. Your nudges have changed course on how I was going to proceed with something. I don’t know why, but this past December and throughout this month, your death has weighed heavy on me. Not just you though, several others that celebrate birthdays living (but no longer in my life) and deceased.
So much from my past has been creeping up on me to the point where I lost touch of the present. I spiraled and the person that was always there for me to help when that happened was you, that shows how long it’s been. Our daily chats kept me balanced and I really miss those. That could explain why you have been so significant the past couple of months. What about the others though? Most of them are chapters I thought were ripped from my book of life.
I know you know all about MMV; Afterall, that night when I pulled into the parking lot it was your voice that convinced me to break very important survival rules. That was the night of our first kiss. As time went on, I realized that you once again knew better than me and I understood why you approved. You and she would have been great friends and likely spoke more than she and I have. Rule #3 has been the most difficult. I told you that some people aren’t meant for love, especially me!
My guard was down, my walls crumbled, my mind is constant flux, and my heart is just pumping blood. I don’t know where we stand and think this is just one of your lessons. Love wasn’t easy for you, maybe you want me to see that it is not meant to be easy, and obstacles make you appreciate it. I hope that is your lesson here.
What I wouldn’t give for a morning chat over some breakfast with you. Happy Birthday, Mom! We needed more time~ I needed more time!
Minding my mind 