As you age, you realize that death is going to become more common in your life; it’s the way it is and there is nothing we can do about it. You’re older and so is everyone else. The one thing you really don’t give much thought to is those younger than you moving on.
Growing up, I was lucky enough to have a close family thanks to my mother. There was always something going on that brought family and friends together to just be together. Most times there was no real reason other than to share some laughs. If it wasn’t hosted at the house, we went to wherever it was. That disappeared after my mother’s passing, and it hasn’t been easy to keep in touch since we all just followed separate paths. The one thing I have tried to do though is keep the “grandkids” in the loop of what’s going on. My mother was the second wife of my father; therefore, I was an uncle from the age of one and that made the first of the nieces and nephews more like friends since we were so close in age. Growing up, you don’t really know what an uncle or niece is unless it’s someone much older, an adult! In total, my three sisters each had three children beginning with the first niece in 1970 and ending with last nephew in 1994; each sister had one girl and two boys.
This past week, the second niece passed away. She was born in 1980 and the first to really come at a time when I understood what being an uncle was. Her older brother was born when I was ten and I kind of knew but when she was born, it hit me that I had a responsibility to set an example for them and be there. With each birth following, I understood it more and as I entered adulthood, I have always done my best to be there for each of them.
Well, of course, they grew up and I now have twenty-one great-nieces and nephews along with two great, greats (one of each). I would love to be more involved to let them know that I will be there, but I don’t know how. It was my mother that kept the family together and made it so much easier to make my presence known. Our paths are so scattered, and family is not the priority it once was.
Ranae had an auto-immune disease that led to other complications. I knew this and had only spoken to her about once or twice and it was mostly in passing so I didn’t really know. She was in and out of the hospital and I visited once, but she wasn’t in her room, and I never made it back. The hospital is minutes away from my house, if I couldn’t be there, how can I be there for any others? I should have waited in her room for her return, what was more important that I had to leave? I don’t even remember!
I need to be that uncle I once was that made family a priority, not whatever else I have going on. This is the second niece that I feel like I failed. Could I have prevented either from passing? I don’t know, doubtful. Could I have let them know I was still there for them? YES! Could I have told them I love them? YES!
She will be cremated, as was Liz and I believe there is going to be a celebration of life, but that is all up to Lena, her daughter to decide. I hate that the reason we are once again gathering is because family passed. There has to be a better reason moving forward and I have to once again make family a priority for us; twenty-one (plus adopted or custodial), and they can’t name more than a few of their cousins in their immediate family on this side.
I know for a lot of folks family is just family and believe me in the current times, it’s hard to accept some family for their values and morals, but in the end, they are still family. You don’t have to agree with them, and you can’t change their minds, but they make up that tree and we are connected, so accept they are a part of you. We are all different and were brought up differently. We have experienced life through a different lens; accept that!
Minding my mind 