As a person with chronic pain, I am always adjusting to make cramping less severe, pain decrease, and movement continue. I have been doing this since the military, so why do I allow my mind to remain stuck?
If I am going to be happier, more content, and a good partner to MMV, or friend to anyone, then I have to accept, and recognize, the uncomfortable thoughts and adapt to them so they don’t interfere with my day or even worse, cause pain to others.
For too long, I have allowed my emotions to regulate my attitude instead of regulating my emotions to live a happier existence. As much as I wanted to spend another day in bed, unshowered, unshaven, and miserable thinking of my actions; instead, I went to the gym, bought some groceries, showered, shaved, and started to process and accept my emotions for the hinderance they have been and will work on changing my thoughts toward a more positive and loving me.
Do I expect this happen immediately? No, it’s been a lifetime building this, so it will take some time to “rewire” my neurons and I hope that a change will be noticeable enough for people, MMV, to take another chance on me within the near future. I have wanted to reach out to her and explain where my head was, but I really think it’s too soon. However, I also think that given too much time, the car metaphor used earlier, will run out of gas.
One thing I know is that she will not reach out first, she is too stubborn, and once something is buried, I am not sure if it can be dug up.
Minding my mind 